8/15/10 about me.

so today is aug 15th 2010, and This is my first blog, my name Is Emily and have been struggling with my weight now for awhile. I started back when I was a teen I was always a girl with curves. I met a guy who was 19 and I was 14 I really Liked him in fact I thought I was in love with him. well I was about 180 then and He made a deal with me to lose weight and get down to 125 and he will pay me 100 dollars. growing up we were poor so 100 dollars was a great deal to me. I accepted, and started my jouney by buying fruits and veggies and diet pills. I would take a pill every day and it would decrease my appetite. so then one day I came home from the boyfriends house and raided my fridge cause I was starving! I started eating my mothers homeade meatballs and then the phone rang, It was the boyfriend telling me not to eat and how I will never lose. So ever since then I developed an eating disorder and ended up not eating much and lost a bunch of weigh. I ended up telling someone about it cause my hair was coming out in clumps and i couldn't think so I ended up stopping at 125 pounds even though the boyfriend still wanted me to lose more.
so then I ended up gaining weight again and getting to 150 and I would take colon cleanse pills, diet pills , and eat not so much I got addicted to the ephedra pills and would take over the recommended amount which led me to the ER after 3 years of abusing them.
Ever since that day my life has been hell with gaining weight and losing weight! It is like a roller coaster I go up , down , up and down but mostly up. I started getting horrible , I mean horrible panic attacks that led me to the hospital 4x a week for months until I got some xanax which made me put on 100 pounds from just eating and sleeping and not having much of a life at all.
fast foward 3 years, my mother ends up passing away from breast cancer and my father had past away when I was 5 from a heart attack and he was only 39 years old!
it really scares me , I was going to get the lapband surgery but chickened out cause I wanted to do this own my own without any help. and for the past 6 weeks I have been counting calories. The first 3 weeks I was down 10 pounds and then my weight got stuck for the last 3 weeks at 250 ish. my body has been trying to tell me to change things around and eat better cause even though i was counting my calories I wasn't eating the best foods like I would eat anything but count my calories. I have looked at the menu sparkpeople has given me and have taken some healthy ideas down. Im going to the store tomorrow to buy some things to be able to make my meals and snacks. Im excited. My bowls have been irregular and I have been so full of gas that my stomach is huge and i can't wait to start this plan and get healthy! I will document it all on here.